i hope my first child is a dragon
i’m not seeking sympathy or attention towards me, i just want you to hear me out on what i want to say
so, for a few months, i’ve been a bit up and down in terms of my overall mental health, mood, etc, but its been ok, you know? i could survive and i would tell myself “you will survive,” i’ve been in situations where i’m nothing but a body that’s been overcome by depression, no desire to live or even try; my bed was my best friend, if i had enough emotion in me to consider anyone or anything a best friend, anyway.
so i’ve been at my worst and i’ve been at my best (at least for now, i will always try to make my best a bit more better), but right now, in this very moment, i’ve been kicked off my little cloud where i wasn’t amazing but i was doing ok, i could do it, do life and i’m feeling so cheated and so upset because i never thought i’d be this person.
as compliments go, i will say this about myself, i can be bright, i can be loud, i can be outgoing, i can be fun and i never thought i would become this person. i don’t hate her, i only wish her the best and hope that she will find peace and happiness someday. i will fight for her.
but anyway, the reason why i’m making this post is because despite the fact that i have to start fighting this non existent entity in my head that tells me to stop living, to stop trying again, i will fight and i will do my best for the girl who i’ve become, the girl who i never thought i’d become but who i root for. i’m saying all this because sometimes i don’t think i can even muster a smile, sometimes i don’t know how to laugh but i do my best to hope that one day i will know how to do those things again.
i just want anyone who feels like this, who feels like everyday is a battle to know that i am 100% right there with you, rooting for you and cheering you on.
the photo above was literally taken a few minutes ago and despite how i feel, how i want to succumb to everything crushing down on me, i smiled in it because i need you guys to know that i’m fighting against it all, i’m fighting for myself, i owe it to myself to smile, to at least try it because i owe myself the opportunity to live my life, and so do you. you are precious, you are worth life, please, please try and remember that, please.